Modern Nature, Derek Jarman

… interesting portrayal of calamities… a huge storm… the nearby nuclear power station seeming to blow up, but only shutting down in an urgent way due to lightning strikes… an uncle on a boat to Calcutta in 1915 on which influenza is dropping the passengers like flies… the world is chaos much of the time… i wonder how the present times would be described by DJ or by some DJ in the process of becoming…

… DJ talks about what it meant to be open about his sexual preferences and HIV+ status… he felt in a privileged position to be open, figuring if his film career stalled he could make paintings and sell them… he seems to have done generally well for himself despite being something of a radical filmmaker…

First Thoughts

… got a lot done yesterday… spent a lot of money on provisioning humans and animals, however, humans are good for a week or more with minor expenditures along the way, and animals are good for up to three weeks… since we are leasing a car and have limited yearly mileage, we are trying to use the car less… this is both environmentally sound and financially sound… for the next week, whatever we need will be gotten in town at stores within walking distance…

… weight down significantly from the high it reached on BI… an error of the scale?… down three pounds in two days… makes one wonder… could be water weight…

… managed not to have more than one cocktail last two nights… trying not to have any alcohol, but if it’s in the house i am as likely as not to drink it… at least i am not drinking it all at once…

… HCR meter on tense… Republicans trying to thwart the Dems and playing Russian Roulette with the debt ceiling… according to HCR they are trying to force the Dems to use up their reconciliation chip on the debt ceiling instead of the infrastructure package… the other answer would be to change the filibuster… strange that a rule allowing a party to require a sixty vote threshold to pass legislation itself can be undone or modified by a simple majority as it has been when there is an impasse on legislation of extreme importance to party or country… i am really hoping McConnel’s gambit will finally bring Manchin and Sinemah on board with filibuster busting and that the dems are able to bring on an avalanche of legislation, including the voting rights legislation… that should thoroughly fix the wagons of Republicans and condemn them to being minority party for a number of decades… one of the interesting points HCR made is to compare the industrial revolution that took place at the end of the 1800’s, and the effect it had in concentrating wealth and threatening to undo democracy, to the present moment in time… technology is again concentrating wealth and threatening democracy… in the late 1800’s the Robber Barons were beat back… will the new class of Robbers be beat back as well?…

… the crickets and other noisy bugs continue their nightly chorus… won’t be long before cold weather puts and end to that… fall is underway… winter is coming…

Walking

… after taking garbage to the dump, a walk around old harbor looking for boat reflection images like this one:

… one of my favorite subjects…

Modern Nature, Derek Jarman

… writing about his school days… about the Kennedy assassination… about not being political, not going on marches… an interesting comment about assassination as a political change tool… they believing that assassinations were a relic from the past…

… assassination was not part of modern life, seemed aberrant, out of date; it struck down 19th century Czars and Emperors — not the bright young president of a new era.¹

… too frequently i have the thought that Biden or Harris will be gunned down… the level of violence producing passion presently stoked in the country will explode again… how and where is the question…

… i stop to search the availability of The Garden and find it is available on Amazon Prime… i want to watch it… i think H might not enjoy it, maybe i won’t either, but the filming of it is a thread running throughout Modern Nature so i feel i should…

First Thoughts

… bad night… didn’t sleep well, kept waking up, couldn’t get comfortable, don’t feel great this morning… most likely alcohol is the culprit…

… lots to do today to get ready to go home… pack up… cemetery board meeting… finish puzzle… finish rose hip jam… go to farmer’s market… go to dump… too much to do, or so it feels…

… HCR meter on “give me a break,”… pointing to the breathless news stories about the “unraveling” of the Biden presidency… she recounts the major news stories of a year ago by comparison… there was a presidency unraveling… by contrast, what we have today is intense negotiations on infrastructure that were not completed by a self imposed deadline… a soft deadline… Biden promised yesterday that it would get done, whether it takes six hours, six days or six weeks… something will get done… i believe that…

… i really can’t drink alcohol anymore… it never leaves me feeling good the morning after… the best day i had out here was the day after a night i didn’t drink and i brewed sumac tea and consumed it… i felt spectacular…

… i am remembering a dream centered around a barbecue where too much meat was being cooked… i couldn’t figure out where it was all going to be stored when people didn’t eat it… H seemed to be taking care of that without any worries… she instructed me to go get one of the grills which was located on the property line between two houses… one was a friend, the other a hostile to trespassing neighbor… the neighbor screamed at me and called the police… i took the grill and left the scene…

… made dinner for M&P last night… ribeye steak, roasted paprika potatoes, arugula/cucumber/red pepper salad… the potatoes stuck to the pan and weren’t beautiful in presentation, otherwise the dinner was a success…

… while H did the dishes M&P and i talked about a dizzying array of topics… immigration, gay sexuality, lgbtq and the arts… topics that had the potential to be contentious but all managed well by all of us… a good evening…

Walking at North Light, Seal Colony!

… i decide to try one more time to get a viewing of the seal colony at the north lighthouse… this time there is no couple blocking a closer approach…

… i don’t have the patience or need to get too close… i stop as soon as the more skittish members of the colony take to the water… or are they scouts charged with assessing the threat?…

… the wind is stiff… there are rip current warnings… no worries, i have no intention of getting in the water…

First Thoughts

… HCR meter jumping all around… major legislation being debated, the infrastructure bill, the reconciliation bill, waiting in the wings, voting rights legislation… lots to do… can the Dems get it done?… the only thing accomplished yesterday was funding of the government… no shutdown… still the debt ceiling to act on… fasten seat belts, bumpy ride is in progress…

… linguini with clams last night, one of H’s favorites… Edward Scissorhands soundtrack playing in the background… extensive discussion about M&P’s situation over dinner… acknowledgement that the road will be rough next few years… how to support them… don’t believe P’s children will be of much help… M&P want to be on BI… L wishes they would winter on mainland… will need help with household chores, laundry, cleaning, shopping, etc… the present goal is to have M&P recognize the help they need and line it up… some signs that is happening…

H seems to be taking it on as a professional nursing assignment, not just a child caring for aging parents assignment… i try to tell them not to do that, that they need to be the child caring for aging parents first and foremost… they are not in agreement…

… i think about my M and wonder if they will find a significant other… hoping they have the wisdom not to let another constrain their lives and that it is managed as companionship with separate residences…

… first day of October… fall beginning in ernest… a chill in the air to go with it…

… i hear a dog stirring upstairs… hoping they settle down and sleep a bit more, don’t want to have to get up just now…

… in the middle of the night, a dry and sore throat… hoping i am not catching something…

… thinking about where to walk today… how far to walk… maybe out to the north light, last chance to see the seals without that couple hogging the experience…

Walking the Beach

… from the painted rock to the public access stairs at Mohegan Bluffs… looking for feminine formations… in particular, cliff erosion in which i find vaginal crevices… a bonus offering arrives in the form of three feminine spirits who seem about my age walking the beach in the opposite direction… one is especially attractive to me and is the one who answers me when i wish them good morning…

… i had intended to walk the stretch both ways but the shore is unusually rocky… i think all the smooth stones getting smoother have been deposited at this end of the island…

… the day starts cloudy with a storm off the coast, but quickly turns sunny… a monarch butterfly fluttering up the hillside… after seeing none i am seeing more now, still not large numbers…

… 142 steps to top of beach access stairs… first time successfully counting the number… health app translates that into ten flights of stairs…

Modern Nature, Derek Jarman

… i keep thinking about gay promiscuity, the cruising scene… DJ talks of cruising in Hempstead Heath… i’ve been to London… my first wife’s family lived near the Heath and i would walk there… had no idea it was a gay cruising park… a big park so possibly not at the end my in-laws lived near…

… was this the largest part of gay culture or was it the most sensational part?…

… DJ seems to have had a committed relationship of sorts… still, he cruised often… what does he look for?… what is the attraction of giving and receiving orgasms to and from strangers?… sex for the sake of sex… is there a thrill attached?… risky behavior is thrilling behavior?… i try to puzzle it out…

… Alice Cooper enters the narrative… memories of a time he had been asked to help stage the band?… the focus is on mountains of Budweiser beer and a bed where men and women have sex for everyone to see/watch if they care… it is not so unlike the gay cruising behavior… i don’t find it as off putting…

… discussing the movie Last Exit to Brooklyn…

How, after 20 years of feminist lobbying, do you view the act of the girl who invites gang rape as a triumphal revenge?¹

… this strikes me because, as much progress as one thinks gets made in the USA, there are such large swaths of the public that make no progress at all that it seems pointless… the ability of the country to absorb all this progress without changing deep down is mind boggling… we are fighting culture wars that have been raging for hundreds of years… every now and again a period of seemingly substantial progress only to be hammered back… the country is like the blob, able to ingest anything without changing it’s essential nature… D was an example of that virulent essential nature… and it is not just men refusing to change… women seem to get some kind of perverse satisfaction in setting themselves back decades… i have this looming fear that M will find a companion and re-yoke themselves to companion stupidity that limits them… i am enjoying the sense of their blossoming in their newfound freedom… H’s M seems to have done this on a certain level…

… talking about growing up Suburban…

A suburban child, I was inexperienced and insecure, my upbringing designed to protect me from life. It was not that my parents neglected me — they were enthusiastic, though cautious. But the mores of middle-class life meant that no problems — unless financial — were ever discussed. They had no language for the emotions.²

… this rings so true to my upbringing and in particular to being the child of a parent who had little in common with me or i them…

First Thoughts

… HCR meter… do or die… the moment has arrived when voting rights legislation must be passed or the current gerrymandered redistricting will be locked in and the Dems are likely to loose control of house and Senate in 2022 and likely as well to loose control of the Presidency in 2024… according to most liberal pundits, this would be a disaster for democracy… all eyes on Washington and the Dems this week… in particular, Joe Manchin and Kirsten Sinema…

… my weight has been steadily climbing… two factors… not enough exercise, too many carbs… must reverse the trend…

… my left foot seems to have rounded a corner… standing on it while working in the kitchen did not cause pain yesterday… i can still feel some residual discomfort, but i think it is nearly healed… i will try a longer beach walk this AM… M and i continue to have micro text exchanges… they seem to be settling in to life on their own nicely…

… much hand ringing over H’s M… trying to figure out how to be sure she gets to the doctor for x-ray and consultation… H will not be easy to live with if this is not well set up on our departure… the current plan is to get them off the island to P’s house on Sunday… L will then pick them up and get them to the doctor on Wednesday… how they get back to BI will be up to them… we haven’t told M yet that we were unable to postpone our car reservation on the ferry so it will be Sunday… hopefully that won’t be a problem…

… looked up the recipe for rose hip jam… had forgotten how involved it is… well, gonna do it anyway… will gather the supplies today…

… looking forward to getting home… lots of house and yard maintenance work awaits and it is a bit of a drag living in a house that needs so much attention, but it is home and i look forward to being home which i have barely been for the past month…

… checked the weather and tide level… today will be the day to walk the length of the beach at Mohegan bluffs… haven’t done that yet… looking forward to it…

… feeling good today, in spite of two beers and a couple glasses of wine… made swordfish last night, my best iteration of the pan roasted swordfish recipe that is always so successful…

Fish, Seafood

Prep Time: 1 hour (mostly waiting)

Cook Time: 25 minutes | Servings: Yield 4 servings

Ingredients:

1/8 cup butter, room temperature

1 teaspoon chopped fresh parsley

1/2 garlic clove, grated

1/4 teaspoon ground mixed peppercorns, plus more for sprinkling

1/4 teaspoon (packed) grated lemon peel

1/2 tablespoon olive oil

2 1-inch-thick swordfish steaks (about 6 ounces each)

Directions:

An hour before cooking:

Salt swordfish steaks on both sides. Cover and refridgerate.

Soften/melt butter in microwave. Add parsley, garlic, 1/2 teaspoon ground mixed peppercorns, and lemon peel in small bowl. Stir together and let sit. Butter should begin to re-solidify.

15 minutes prior to cooking:

Preheat oven to 400°F.

Pull swordfish steaks out of refridgerator to allow to warm up.

To cook:

Heat oil in heavy large ovenproof skillet over medium heat. Sprinkle swordfish with ground mixed peppercorns. Add swordfish to skillet. Cook until browned, about 3 minutes. Turn swordfish over and transfer to oven. Roast until just cooked through, about 10 minutes longer. Transfer swordfish to plates. Add seasoned butter to same skillet. Cook over medium-high heat, scraping up browned bits, until melted and bubbling. Pour butter sauce over swordfish and serve. Source

Modern Nature, Derek Jarman

… the descriptions of promiscuous gay culture continue to put me off… rather than a culture of same sex love and commitment it is a culture of profligate sex in dingy underground clubs, dark alleys, any available bathroom… i check myself on whether this is a prejudice, it might be, the same images of heterosexual abandon don’t put me off as much, though i am less attracted to them than one on one love and sex together… i have tried sex for sex for its own sake and it is not fulfilling, doesn’t reach the profound experience that sex in the context of love can be…

… DJ talking about his art show opening… there has been a fair amount of journal space devoted to the making of the artwork he put in the show… it explores gay sexuality… American women seem to be most accepting… i guess we send our progressives overseas… or perhaps only the progressives would go to see such a show… maybe the times were somehow more accepting… less intense culture wars?… then, suddenly, this paragraph…

Intense work has obliterated the garden at Dungeness from my mind. I can live in a hotel room with a change of blue overalls, toothpaste, a razor, and this diary.¹

… as i record this quote, i think about the “what a little moonlight can do” photographs i am making… that they have me a little excited and seem a good new direction for the dark matter work…

… the garden at Prospect Cottage strikes me as a creative attempt of great hope but continuous struggle… DJ talks about the plants getting burned by the salt spray… more and more i think the plight of the beach roses on the island might be due to the tropical storm that passed directly over the island a couple of months ago… H was out here with M, i was back in Beacon caring for dogs and doing work on the house… strange, the two major storms that came through the Northeast, H was in them, i was not…

… i learn about Anatomy of Melancholy, by Burton… still considered a classic… available on Amazon… i wish to purchase, need to make a note that i am interested…

… dog restlessness upstairs… hoping it settles down, too early to take them out in my opinion…

… the restlessness continues… i go to release them, only Fiona comes out… i leash her up, take her out… we go round and round the yard, she does nothing, the crescent moon and lights from the house make navigation by sight possible… the clouds lit up with a bright white glow, i think about getting my camera, but don’t, we come back in and Chas starts whining… “fuck you Chas” i say… now he wants to come down… i leash him up and take both dogs out again… Chas pees, Fiona still nothing… both expect a treat when we return… i don’t give it to them… it is too early… i don’t like this as a habit which it will become if i reward them with a treat…

… Joris Ivens is mentioned, a Dutch documentary filmmaker i have never heard of… i struggle with making a note that i will remember to go back to as i want to know more about Joris Ivens… the easy way is to key word label it with “to watch, read, get”… on the iPhone, with keyboard enabled, this requires dumping out of the keyboard connection to bring up the tagging screen… it would be easier at home on the desktop…

… about the sixties…

Time has softened the decade — made it seem less complicated. The sixties opened the floodgates of consumption; and as more — much more, became available we lost a sense of the New. By the eighties the excitement of the New had disappeared.²

… i read about Pilip Core who wrote on photography, and the arts… i look him up… an American who lived most of his life in England… i add him to the list to get, read, watch…

… Tom of Finland is mentioned… i know about this because of my photography readings…

First Thoughts

… HCR meeter, democracy hanging in the balance… Mitch McConnel grandstanding, accusing the Dems of socialist betrayal of the country… i really don’t care about the socialist argument… i simply don’t want to finish out my life under the system Republicans propose…

… yesterday a somewhat lazy day… thunderstorms in the afternoon, dinner of leftovers… moved the puzzle forward… i think i will have time to finish it before going home…

… M went out with friends for dinner and said it was “good times”… they seem to be settling into their life without D… that we communicate daily and i send them photographs daily is a change in the absence of D… i keep checking my feelings about D and they are guiltless feelings of gladness that they are not around to muck up the works anymore… everything feels calmer and more genuine… less fear… more willingness to communicate freely… interestingly, i think about them… it’s hard to describe their presence in my mind… just sort of there, not haunting, not hating, just there… a presence that allows memories of the good and bad without much emotion… i don’t miss them, i do not forget them…

… H has been obsessed with her mother’s health and well being… generally, they have not been the best companion on this vacation, so focused on their own woes… they hammered away at it when B and M were over… i try to get them to back off a bit, let go, keep in mind that M is 90 years old, has lived a good life, is still a competent adult… they don’t see it that way… they treat M like a child… not much i can do but tolerate it… i am grateful for the hours of my own space in the morning… i look forward to H finding their way to a happier space… i hope it happens soon… i hope it happens… i am a little weary of having to be the float that keeps us from drowning in the negativity that surrounds us… i try to tell them this… they are determined to be as they are… not particularly happy, not contributing much to joint happiness…

… i have an MP cemetery annual meeting on Saturday… i am annoyed by this too… why does it always happen in the midst of vacation?… i am getting tired of that…

… well, on to Modern Nature…

First Thoughts

… HCR meter would be depressing if i didn’t already know its truths, which is that a vocal minority bent on an authoritarian government is trying to take over the country… that a significant enough number of my fellow citizens don’t give a damn about what the majority of the country wants… it all hinges on Democrats being willing to kill the filibuster… all eyes on the Senate…

… the mostly white patriarchy is holding on for dear life against the rising multicultural tide… we have the numbers if we have the will to fight…

… dinner at M’s last night, PG, PW, K and E there for cocktails, M and PG for dinner…

… i drank more wine than i wanted to, walked a perilous line on politics and religion, came home and barely remember going to bed… i think we watched some news and then H woke me up to go to bed… don’t feel bad this morning, but morning is young…

… been steadily working on the puzzle the L’s left behind… slow going, maybe 10 to 20 pieces a day… going a little faster now as the pieces are fewer in number… i wonder about puzzles, what makes them fun, i suppose it is the challenge and the slow appearance of a picture… this one is of the Eiffel Tower… it’s not a particularly nice image of it… i’ve seen much more compelling puzzle images…

… i glance up and my eyes fall on a Tibetan singing bowl on the mantle… i remember B making it sing during the fish dinner… B is a spiritual person… S is more down to earth… i remember the sumac berries i harvested yesterday and begin to prepare warm water to soak them in… and now they are soaking… it is warm water as opposed to boiling to avoid leaching tannins out of the seeds which make it bitter… i think i will try to make some jam out of it too…

Derek Jarman, Modern Nature

… this:

Quid sit futurum cras fuge querere et quem fors dierum cinque dabit lucro appone, nec dulcis amores…

Try not to guess what lies in the future, but as fortune deals days enter them into your life’s book as windfalls.¹

… sounds a bit zen to me…

… DJ describes a work, party and social life that is/was definitely not Zen… a whirlwind of parties and fucking… and then, back to his garden at the cottage near the nuclear power plant… the power plant seems a symbol of something sinister, disease perhaps?…

… as i read about the garden and the seasons and the discoveries on walks through the countryside, i think, rose hips, where are the rose hips on the beach roses… they seem to have shriveled on the branch… was hoping to try and make jam again… last time i burned the sugar, took ages to scrub the pan clean…

First Thoughts

… we are installed in the cottage… slightly frustrating day doing so… cleaning lady late, dogs pooping and peeing in the cottage… no desire to cook, only the news available… H able to pursue their news addiction, sound pollution for me…

… HCR meter all about how it is increasingly evident that there was a full blown coup attempt… that it only barely failed… that the attempt is not over… the white patriarchy is desperate… democracy hangs in the balance… is the clock running out for dems to do something about it?…

… the internet is so pathetic at the cottage, which has wifi, or supposedly has wifi, but it is utterly useless… even in the wee hours of the morning when nobody else would be using it there is no bandwidth… there might as well not be any wifi at all…

… thinking about Modern Nature… thinking about the promiscuity of cruising parks and hooking up… thinking about the anger towards heterosexuals who would think such behavior among themselves ill advised… sex was rarely just sex to me… i dated one girl at a time and that girl had a chance of becoming something more to me and i to her… there were a few one night stands that were not satisfying… the idea of cruising the park seems crazy to me… that was the gay culture that DJ participated in, embraced, even after being diagnosed with AIDS… he claimed that little penetrative sex was indulged in once the gay community understood how the disease was transmitted… just hand jobs… still, it all seems risky behavior… behavior that was only about sex, not love… i don’t insist on heterosexual love… i just prefer sex in the context of a loving relationship…

… insects chirping outside, grasshoppers?, katydids?, cicadas?, what do they have on the island?… i wonder whether the noises they make leads predators as well as lovers to them… if so, what a risk they take for love…

Walking

… Rodman’s Hollow, waning gibbous moon… i srartle a deer who bounds to the far side of the field and is still watching me…

… two women pass with three dogs, Maya, Quora and a name i did not catch…

… humid yesterday and today, i keep thinking we should be done with that…

… plants identified this AM:

• winged sumac:

• a tea or aide can be made from it, maple syrup recommended to sweeten it
• red pine:

• native to North America
  • hope, pity symbolism
• frost aster:

• symbolism, love
• Canada lettuce:

• symbolism: Chastity, Protection, Love
• Northern bayberry:

• berries have wax that can be extracted and used to make candles
  • symbolism: illusions and appearances; used for visions and divining.

… that was the extent of my plant divining today…

At North Light

… sunrise… i catch my first sight of seals, foraging, but they always seem curious, heads bobbing above the waves looking at me… they are like dogs with whom, i have read, they share ancestry…

… i purposely came earlier and still there is a couple out here… they beat me and have established themselves close to the seals as if it is their private viewing colony and nobody else can share it… they seem to be trying to get closer without chasing the seals into the water… the seals, for their part are huddled at the very tip and are perhaps poised to hit the water if they get any closer… i am imagining it is the same couple as was here yesterday, occupying the prime real estate… for some reason i am furious with them… i see them as extremely selfish… i don’t know if this is fair, but i am so angry i could smash them… i could, of course, totally disrupt their reverie but i imagine i am having more consideration for the seals and them than they have for anyone around them… i spied them from the parking lot already in place and for the fifteen to twenty minutes it took me to get out to the point they have not moved, and for the five to ten minutes i have been sitting impatiently waiting for my turn they have not moved… i find myself wishing them harm, hoping one of the bull seals lunges at them and bites them… i am going to have to give up again today as they seem intent on having it all to themselves… i don’t think i have hated two strangers more in my life… i hope they leave the island soon… for my part i will not come back until next week by which time they will, hopefully, be absent…

First Thoughts

… HCR meter is pointing decidedly downward as more information about 45’s attempts to overthrow the government come out… both immediately after the election and ongoing efforts to change the results… democracy is hanging in the balance and will require decisive action by Democrats if it is to be preserved…

… my weight has plateaued for now and, when i am able to start cooking for us, i should be able to reverse the upward trend…

… S, S, J, and B went fishing yesterday and brought back a bunch of fish, and prepared it, all of which was yummy… the black bass ceviche was my favorite and i will try to make it myself while on the island…

… we’ve had a few idyllic days, perfect fall weather… yesterday was a perfect beach day, not looking as good for the coming week…

… i am thinking i may drive out to the north end again this AM, but earlier, in hopes of being the first out there for the day…

What a Little Moonlight Can Do

First Thoughts

… wedding celebration complete!… great party… don’t seem to have a hangover… dogs were the biggest hit… my outfit the second biggest hit… after bride and groom of course… it’s official, my generation’s music is the go to wedding music and has been for some time… except, i recall, my parent’s generation music has always been my go to for romance music… i am thinking nostalgic music is a key requirement for romance and wedding mood setting…

… the defense of January 6 insurrectionists protests yesterday were nothing burgers… i sense the possible cooling down of insurrectionist fever… hopeful…

… HCR took the night off… happy Sunday everyone!…

… the sun is starting to rise… the pre-dawn glow… ravens in the distance… H gently snoring…

… vacation and recovery from the last couple of months can officially begin!…

… just checked the tide schedule… high tide about now… this impacts where i will walk… Rodman’s Hollow or South Lighthouse into town… decisions…

First Thoughts

… M and W’s wedding day…

… our trip to BI smooth except for the ferry crossing which was a little rough… we love our new car…though we both feel that when the lease is up we will want to buy it and then trade it in for a plug-in hybrid, i suspect we will get attached to it and it will be hard to give it up…

… HCR meter pointing down, suggesting that we are heading towards, perhaps are already engaged in, a new civil war… that white (male) supremacy ideals, if you can call them ideals, are still strong amongst the people of the United States of America… it is impossible for me to imagine how this is the case, but i know in my bones that it is… i know it because i see it on the news… i know it because long ago i perceived that the white patriarchy was in existential crisis and would fight to the death to preserve the world they have ruled over for so long… i know it because D was the white patriarchy writ large in my life…

… my weight on a steady climb, much to my dismay, though i have been unable to walk for the past day or two and my food selection has not been great… need to figure out how to address that over the next few days… i need a strategy… a silver linings weight management strategy…

… we showed up at Mahogany Shoals to join the young folk which consisted of the L crowd and significant others along with M&W’s friends… we met J, S’s SO, and C, G’s SO, said hello to S and B, M and W and then melted into the night as it became clear that it was a young folks gathering…

… a raven squawking outside then flying into the distance, still squawking, and now one is right outside the window… organizing a bird rebellion?…

Lauren Elkin on Another

… No. 91/92: A Diary of a Year on the Bus…

… this book catches my attention… the come on about not looking at commuting the same every day… the still images of women staring blankly into space, which turn out not to be buy the author, but are, instead, film stills from movies by directors that are felt to be relevant to the work being discussed… the book comes from notes the author made on her phone as she traveled to and from work on the bus in Paris… this is the kind of thing that i have done… i am enthralled… i buy the Kindle version of the book to read while i am on vacation…

First Thoughts

… at last, the day we take off for BI has arrived… we are largely ready… have to pack my own clothes and a few kitchen items, take care of a few other items, but other than that, we are ready to go… the car is even partially packed… H has just gotten up…

… our car insurance check has not been processed by the bank… this is making me nervous… will need to bring it with us… in case we have to deal with that…

… HCR meter pointing downwards… about Michael Flynn gaining traction on the right… about one of the largest real estate companies in China on the verge of collapse… that will have some impact around the world… the Michael Flynn story is disquieting…

… i am so looking forward to being on vacation… my coping capacity has been stretched to the max… H started telling me about a little scratch and swelling around Chas’s eye… she started worrying at me looking to me to tell her what we will do… i told her i had no capacity for anything further going wrong, there was no way we could take him to a vet before leaving without missing M’s wedding that she was going to have to deal with it herself and not share her worries on it with me… and she did exactly that and everything is ok and i didn’t have to obsess about calling it one way or the other… though, in effect, i did call it… at any rate, i am looking forward to not having to worry about much, going for long walks, having nice meals, etc. etc. etc… time to decompress…

Issa and the Meaning of Animals: A Buddhist Poet’s Perspective. David G. Lanoue

… what matters, that we all die, or that we sing along the way?…

The last example is perhaps the most dramatic and poignant. Issa introduces it with the head note, “Flood” (kôzui 洪水). The insect may be floating to his death, yet he keeps singing. Perhaps Issa sees himself in the insect; perhaps he sees in it the fate of all living creatures, for all are equally, eventually doomed. The important thing isn’t the inevitable death to which the currents of the universe sweep us; what matters, Issa implies, is to embrace the present moment . . . and sing.¹

… what one of us isn’t concerned with the inevitable subsidence of our “conscious” being?… we are crafted to survive at all costs… it’s inbuilt that we worry about the integrity of the configuration of atoms and processes that constitute our bodies and consciousness, whatever that may mean… the Buddhist way is to work hard, through meditation and mindfulness of the present moment thinking, to let go of the obsession with dying which is, in any case, inevitable… so, the advice is to sing regardless of the situation you find yourself in…

… another way of looking at the poem referenced is that we are what we are, even in the face of disaster and imminent demise…

still singing the insect

is swept away …

floating branch

… and now i learn that animals of all kinds can be observed to dance… interact while moving in that exhibit structure and repetition… early humans learned to mimic these animal dances and would do so in ceremonial ways to encourage abundance and successful hunting, to become one with the animal being hunted… close identification with animals of all kinds allows behavior prediction… it also focuses mind and body on a successful encounter, whether the objective be to kill, capture or avoid…²

… the interesting question arises, does one need to know they are dancing to be dancing?… “I think, therefor I am.”³… i dance, therefor i dance?… to be the best kind of dancer i am sure a dance training master would suggest that one need’s to forget they are dancing and simply be the dance… i am groping towards something here… conscious, so called “rational thought,” is a hinderance to being in direct communication with one’s environment… it is impossible to hold anything sacred that is only “thought” about… one must be in seamless relationship with the world to hold the idea, the instinct, that it is sacred, worthy of respect and honor, of careful and respectful interaction… by writing poems about nature and animals and the world in general, one is setting themselves on intimate terms with all of that, dissolving the boundaries between self and cosmos…